what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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