I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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