sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
