I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
