he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
