My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
