Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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