I'm going to jail i love you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
