We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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