I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
