I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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