somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
