well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
