I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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