I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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