2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
