Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
