What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
