so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
