So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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