part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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