So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
