Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
