he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
