Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
