its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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