Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
