how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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