We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
