She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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