Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
