i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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