I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
