Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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