Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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