After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
try to milk me bitch
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