my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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