dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
