He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
