is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
