did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
