K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
