he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
