I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
