Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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