I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
