If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
