I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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