My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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