Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
