Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
