you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
