What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we have pet lesbian snakes
I wannas sexs uuuuu
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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