She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
