Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
